Hyper Aware
by lizandhenry
Summary: Jason McCord is not as "blissfully unaware" as his family thinks in Tamerlane/Face The Nation. Mostly told from his POV, although some from Henry's as well.
1. Chapter 1

Something had changed in the McCord household. Jason McCord had sensed it from the afternoon of Ali's birthday. He wasn't as blissfully unaware as his family believed. He was just good at hiding things.

In the past 24 hours he'd come to the sinking conclusion that his mother was somehow involved in the coup situation in Iran. And he was angry with his family for keeping it from him.

The mood changed in a snap; right after he mentioned the online article he was reading his father's cell phone buzzed and then he suddenly left the house without a word to anyone as to where he was going or when he'd be back.

When he stumbled into the kitchen noticing the somber expressions on his sisters' faces as they stared at their father, it added fuel to the fire. But he didn't get a chance to ask because he was bombarded by laughy string.

He wanted to be wrong. He wanted to assume that if something was seriously wrong they would tell him; it was his mother after all. If Ali & Stevie knew, he should get to know too. But no one said anything and bid him goodnight as though it was an ordinary night.

The next morning Henry announced that his mother would be home later that afternoon. He didn't know where she was returning from, but Henry said to be nice to her when she arrived and to let her relax, that she'd probably be tired from the flight.

When Elizabeth arrived home, she did look exhausted. Maybe from the flight? He wasn't sure.

By the time he reached the door to greet his mother, his sisters were jumping all over her as though she'd been gone for months. He didn't quite understand that. Normally when she came home from a trip no one bothered to wait for her at the door, except his father. Red flag.

He gave his mother a hug and she smiled at him. It was like she knew too. The smile for him was different than the smile for his sisters. It was like she knew everyone was hiding something from him and she had to keep up the charade.

Regardless, he was happy she was home.

Then he noticed the way she didn't smile or kiss his father. She was always happy to see him. Another red flag. Henry gave her one more hug as he whispered into her ear. "Go up to bed, I'll be there in a minute."

She nodded and slowly ascended the stairs. Even though his father ushered he and his sisters away, he poked his head around the corner and watched. It was difficult for his mother to climb the stairs. Her hands gripped tightly to the rail and her breathing was labored. At one point her sleeve rode up her arm and he noticed a white bandage. You didn't use a white gauze bandage for a paper cut. There was definitely something they weren't telling him. His mother had been hurt wherever she had gone.

Why wouldn't anyone tell him?

When his mother was out of sight, could hear his father speaking with Frank in the foyer. He couldn't make out the exact conversation but he saw Frank hand him two prescription bottles and a file folder. They shook hands and Frank left.

After closing the door behind Frank, Henry slipped the pills into his pocket and placed the file folder on his desk, locking the office door behind him. Then he dashed up the stairs in search of Elizabeth.

He waited a few minutes then climbed the stairs himself. He wasn't surprised to find his parent's bedroom door closed.

Tiptoeing, he quietly leaned his head against the door, listening. He heard his mother sobbing. He heard his father's deep voice whispering calming words to her. He couldn't make out what exactly was being said, but he did hear his mother say, "Fred…..he's dead."

Another red flag. Fred was her top agent. If he was dead something terrible must have happened. He wished his father didn't lock the office door so he could see what was in that file.

Dashing from the door, he hopped on his own bed, pretending to play on his phone when he heard his father's footsteps coming toward him.

He saw his father wipe his face, most likely his tears, and head downstairs. "Hey buddy." Henry said to as he passed his room.

"How's mom?" he asked

"She's fine. Just tired. I'm going to go make her something to eat."

Jason nodded, he wasn't convinced in the least that his mother was 'just tired'. Creeping out of his room, he sat at the top of the staircase listening to the conversation in the kitchen.

"Girls." Henry said. "Make sure Jason is occupied today. Mom is…Fred Cole died in Iran. She's very distraught. I need to…."

Iran! He knew it, she did go there and something had happened. Something terrible happened.

"But she's okay right?" Ali asked.

"She's….she'll be fine." Henry promised.

"I'll take care of these guys." Stevie confirmed, handing him a tray containing eggs, toast & strawberries. "You take care of Mom."

"Thank you girls." He said, pulling them into a hug. "I'm really proud of you. You're both being incredibly strong."

As he heard his father coming back up the stairs, he made an escape for his room once again. He closed his door and peeked through the crack as he watched his father carry the tray into his bedroom and closed the door.

With that he decided to confront his sisters.

"Hey." Ali said casually as he walked into the kitchen. "Want a snack?"

"Nah."

They both stared at him for a minute, waiting for him to explain why he'd come to the kitchen if he didn't want a snack. "Guys, what's going on with Mom?"

Ali looked at Stevie, unsure of how to answer.

"Nothing Jase, why?" Stevie said, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Because she wouldn't kiss Dad hello and she could barely walk up the stairs. I saw a bandage on her arm and I saw Frank give 2 bottles of pills to Dad."

Stevie sighed. She wanted to preserve his innocence. She'd come to find out the hard way about the secrets her mother carried from her CIA days when she was 10. Jason didn't know that reality. His mother had been a professor for as long as he could remember. He'd only heard stories about the CIA. It was a burden only Stevie had experienced.

"Jase, we don't know. You know mom can't talk about her work. She said so when she left the other day."

"But you know something! I know you know. Please tell me. This is mom we're talking about." He begged

"Really Jase, I can tell something happened just like you. But I don't know what. Dad's taking care of it. He always takes care of mom. She'll be fine."

Realizing he wasn't going to get anywhere with them, he sighed and went back to his room. "You're right."

***Hyper Aware***

When Henry returned to the bedroom with the plate of food, he noticed Elizabeth sitting on the bay window seat, aimlessly staring outside.

"Babe, the girls made you some eggs." He said quietly, brushing her shoulder with his fingers.

"I'm not really hungry." She whispered and turned back to the window.

"Frank said you haven't eaten since the hospital. Even then he said all you would eat was a Popsicle."

"My throat was sore from all the smoke." She said.

"Is it still sore?"

"A little."

"Well the eggs should go down easy. There's strawberries too. Your favorite." He nudged.

She sighed and slowly got up and followed him to the bed and she ate her food in silence. It was a struggle. She wanted to puke it right up.

When she was through he took the tray away and pulled her back into his arms. She struggled to get comfortable. "Where does it hurt sweetheart?" he asked softly, sensing her discomfort.

"Everywhere."

"Will a hot bath help?" he offered. "A massage?"

"That sounds nice." She said, the slightest of smiles tugging at her lips. It was her first smile of the day.

Henry drew her a scalding hot bath, just as she liked it while she struggled to undress. When she walked past him to step into the tub he noticed the bandages on her arms, the bruises on her back and legs and the gaping stitches against the porcelain skin her back. He swallowed. What had happened to his wife?

Elizabeth noticed Henry's eyes welling with tears. "I'm sorry Henry." She whispered

"It's not your fault. Just…just get in the tub." He hugged her.

She slowly slid into the tub, wincing as the hot water stung her wounds. But once she was settled she relaxed. The hot water was relieving the aches in her muscles.

After the bath, he helped her into her favorite pajama set and had her lay down so he could massage her back. As soon as she felt his weight on her she frantically scurried away in tears. "Get off!" she cried.

His eyes went wide. "What baby, what? I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"

When she realized it was him, her husband, she calmed down a bit, her panting subsiding. "I'm sorry. Maybe I should sit up and you can sit behind me?"

"Okay." He nodded slowly and waited for her to back up against him and he went to work on her tense shoulders.

After the massage she curled into his arms as she searched for sleep. She hadn't slept since she left home. Maybe she did a little at the hospital. She couldn't remember. "No spooning from behind." She instructed and she nestled against his chest. "We have to stay like this."

"Okay, however you're comfortable." He agreed, accepting her into his arms, kissing her forehead.

"It's safe now." She whispered as she was falling into a deep sleep.

"You're safe Elizabeth. At home in our bed. I've got you." He confirmed, hugging her tighter against his chest.

***Hyper Aware***

Jason noticed the bedroom door remained closed the remainder of the day and all night. He only heard the sounds of a bath. He hoped when he woke up his mother would be normal self, that she really was just tired from her trip. That all she suffered was some cuts and bruises from Iran.

When he woke up the next day and found his mother absent from the breakfast table, he knew it was not the case.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: addi1201, puppiesinpink, jessi323, easybreezyfreezy - you guys are the best! Thanks for always reviewing my stories :) I hope you (and everyone else) likes this chapter! I have ch. 3 mostly written too, will post it soon!**

Part 2

Jason McCord didn't see much of his mother over the past 48 hours. She and his father had to attend several funerals for her DS agents and each day they'd come home exhausted and sad. He could tell his father was having a hard time remaining the strong husband his mother needed. She barley ate or slept. All she did was cry in her bedroom or stare into space. She was becoming inconsolable and it was exhausting his father.

His sisters had taken on all the household chores; cleaning, cooking, laundry. Anything they could do to help and just stayed out of the way.

Meanwhile, he had tried his best to stay off the internet to read what lies and twisted truths the media had spun about her trip to Iran. He wanted to hear what happened from his father, from his sisters, from his mother. Really anyone but a reporter. But no one told him anything.

The next day her crying bouts simply turned to anger. The morning of his last day before starting public school, he noticed the fists she had in the TV reflection as he played his video game, attempting to act normal on her first day back to work. His sisters scolded him when he said the word 'shot' while his mother filled her coffee mug.

It was another red flag. They were all expecting him to be considerate and sensitive about something no one would tell him about. His mother tried to brush it off, but he saw her jump slightly when he said it.

He started to get angry too, his mother and father argued about his security. He'd never seen them argue like that. He'd never seen her walk out of the house without a kiss to her father.

Despite his own argumentative nature, he took a cue from his sisters and agreed to let Kevin take him to school. Anything he could do to help, he didn't want to upset his mother or father any more than they already were.

It was getting to be too much for everyone in the McCord household to bear.

***Hyper Aware***

Henry had already questioned Kevin about PTSD. He'd spent the afternoon researching ways to help her. But all the articles were the same. They won't talk until they are ready. Try not to pressure them.

He wanted Elizabeth to tell him what happened. He had an understanding of what went down, he'd talked to Russell & Frank. He knew Fred died protecting her. He knew there was smoke, from her sore throat comment. He knew someone was on her back, because she wouldn't let him hold her from behind. But he needed more details.

But he wanted to know what her perspectives was. What did she see? How exactly did she get those wounds on her back and arms. Was she attacked? Pushed? Held against her will at gunpoint?

He fingered the folder with the official report. He was sure it would provide all the horrific details. He didn't want to read it. But he had to. He had to help her.

Taking a deep breath he opened the folder and his eyes scanned the first page.

"At approximately 8pm local time, the residence of Zahed Javani came under attack by Iranian opposition forces believed to be part of a deliberate military coup organized in part by US officials…..explosion….bullets…mass chaos….Minister Javani killed instantly…Secretary McCord found trapped under DS Agent Fred Cole's body…..agents Kendall and Williams secured Secretary McCord….rushed to an underground bunker...medics noted slowed reflexes….seemed disorientated"

He had to close his eyes and look away after the first page. He couldn't imagine what it must have felt like for her to be there. Even though he fought combat in the Marines, and his unit had come under surprise attack, he'd always been armed and prepared to protect himself. She was not anticipating a direct attack. Nor was she armed or trained to handle one. He wished he would have gone with her. He would have known how to act. He would have told her never to stand with your back to a window; to hug the walls. Always.

He wiped his face, flipped the page and read on.

"Given pain killers in the bunker and wound bandaged….undetermined blood loss…..still disorientated…..when all clear was given, Secretary McCord in the custody of Frank Williams was helicoptered to Landsthaul, Germany…..wounds sterilized…..33 stitches on lower left back….IV fluids, pain medication, sleep aid and antibiotics administered…slight fever recorded, potential infection…..patient complained of ears still ringing….examination revealed minor concussion….headache, unable to focus eyes…"

Henry angrily closed the folder and swallowed back his tears. He knew what happened from there. He'd talked with her briefly before she arrived home on the plane. Frank had tried to have her talk from the hospital, but her ears were ringing, she had a hard time hearing him.

***Hyper Aware***

His first day at public school was not how he imagined. He'd argued with his parents before he left. He felt a little guilty about it, knowing full well her mother wasn't herself. Even Kevin had said to him in the car. "I know the first day will be hard enough without Kevin the beanstalk following you around, but try and give your mom a break. She just is looking out for you."

"Yea." He'd agreed. But it still sucked. He was already going to be a spectacle, the new kid always was. And at this public school the kids probably weren't used to famous kids. All those kids usually went to private school. And he did have Kevin, who was taller than everyone. What a great first impression.

Despite all that, the day wasn't as bad as he thought. Most of the kids were friendly and the teachers seemed okay enough. He was glad he didn't have to spend lunch eating alone, with Kevin there. Normally that was by far the worst part about a new school.

"Hey buddy, how was your day?" his father asked him as he threw his backpack on the floor

"Fine." He shrugged. He noticed his father had the infamous file folder out and looked distraught. He approached the office slowly. "The teachers are just as un-imaginative as at Wessmore."

"Good. Glad you won't have to work too hard discount everything they say." Henry joked.

He paused and walked closer to the desk. "Dad, can I ask you something?" he sounded serious.

"Sure, Jase." His father replied

"What's going on with Mom? I know something happened but no one will tell me."

His father let out a long breath and took off his glasses. "I'm not 100% sure buddy."

He scoffed "You're lying."

"Jason." His father warned.

"It's right there in that folder! I saw Mom could barley walk up the stairs, I saw the bandages, I saw the pills, and I saw you lock up that file. What happened?!" he demanded to know.

Henry didn't realize his son hadn't been as oblivious as he believed. At times Henry forgot he was 13. Even though he was the youngest, he wasn't 5. "Okay look." He began slowly. "Your Mom went to Iran to stop the coup. She and I had been secretly investigating it for months, we learned of it when we determined that Secretary Marsh's plan crash wasn't an accident."

"What?" he said in disbelief, collapsing into the blue chair.

"She stopped it. But there was an attempt to overthrow the government while she was there, and she got hurt. All I know is there was an explosion and Fred died and she has 33 stitches in her back."

"33 stitch…..is she okay?"

"No buddy, she's not. But she will be."

"Why wouldn't she tell us….why…"

"It's hard. She's…. she hasn't even told me about it. We just have to be patient with her. Can you do that for her?"

"Of course!" he agreed tearfully. He hadn't realized it was so serious. If his mother wouldn't even tell his father it had to be bad. They shared everything.

"Mom's going to be okay. I promise." His father said firmly, pulling him into a hug. "She just needs some time to settle back in okay?"

"K." he said, not totally convinced. But if anyone could help his mother, it was his father. He had to have faith in that it would be okay eventually.

"Alright, now go do your homework." His father said, squeezing his shoulder.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: See I told you I had this one ready to go quick! I know the last chapter was light on the Henry/Elizabeth, so I did add another little scene between them in this part. Hope that tides you over; this is supposed to be about Jason lol! I think this one will only take one more chapter...then back to Promises. Promise.**

Part 3

2 days after the panic attack that landed his mother in the hospital his father held a family meeting.

He sat between his sisters on the couch as they all looked at their father with scared eyes. They'd all been scared since the hospital visit. Their mother was upstairs taking a relaxing bath. She had decided in fact to take those few days off her doctor advised, after she taped Face The Nation.

"Guys. Here's the deal." Henry began, pacing in front of them. "Mom has PTSD. You all know what that is right?"

They nodded.

"Okay. The good news is that she's finally opened up to me about what happened and she realizes she needs help, which was really hard for her to admit, you know how she is. But yesterday she went to a therapist."

A Therapist. His mother? It must have been bad.

"And so am I."

His dad was going to the therapist too? He wished for his life before a week ago, when his family was not in so much pain.

"PTSD is hard on everyone involved, not just the person suffering. So if any of you want to go to the therapist too, you let me know and we'll get an appointment for you."

His father paused, as if waiting for them all to volunteer to run to the therapist. None of them moved a muscle. Truthfully it scared him. He didn't want to talk to a stranger about his feelings. He wanted to talk to his mother. She was always the best at making him feel better. But clearly, he couldn't right now.

"There's no shame in it. After one session I think it's helping her already. It helped me too, you know, to learn the proper ways to help her. We all need to help mom get better. We all need to learn what triggers her, and how to deal with a panic attack."

"Whatever we can do to help, dad." Allison promised.

He swallowed. When he'd first heard his mother was rushed to the hospital thinking she was having a heart attack, he'd been scared to death. He suddenly felt short of breath as well. His father had called and said it was just a panic attack and that her heart was in perfect health. But how could they know the difference between a real heart attack and a panic attack without a doctor? It had taken medics to calm her mother down. Were they supposed to call 911 every 10 minutes?

His father smiled at Ally's sweetness before continuing. "Now the panic attack she had a few days ago was severe. Dr. Sherman doesn't think they should get to that point again, one because she's now sharing her feelings and not keeping it bottled up. And two, we are starting to find out what causes them."

He felt somewhat better with that comment. But just because another episode wasn't expected to be severe, doesn't mean it couldn't be.

"We know some of the triggers so far; loud noises that remind her of the explosion, breaking glass, and touching her from behind."

Henry motioned Stevie to stand up. He hugged her from behind. "None of this, okay? It's okay to hug mom, but approach her where she can see you. If you are going to tap her shoulder or something, make sure she hears you first."

Stevie return to the couch as they waited for the explanation. His father always hugged his mother from behind. Sometimes they would all jump on her when she was on the couch and hug her at once. Now this would make her panic?

"When the explosion hit, Fred pushed her down, and he…..he died on top of her." Henry whispered, explaining the trigger with tears in his eyes.

Stevie grabbed his hand. This was the first he had heard of this and that image was terrifying. His father had paused a moment to let that sink in and continued.

"So if mom does have a panic attack at home, he's what you do. You'll recognize it because mom will have a hard time breathing, or she may duck or curl into a corner trying to protect herself from something she's imagining. If you see that happen, you've got to get her to start breathing into a paper bag. I've placed a paper bag in every room of the house where you can get to it easily. In here – it's in that drawer with the remotes. Okay?"

They nodded.

"Okay. Then you just sit with her and try to calm her down. Rub her back, hold her hand, talk to her quietly. No matter what you do don't panic yourself or make loud or sudden movements, it will only make it worse. If you can't get her to calm down, or it gets worse. Like more than 15-20 minutes, you need to find her purse. She will have a bottle of xantax. Get her to take 1 pill. It will help. And you call me – right away. Understood? You can always call Dr. Sherman too, and she can help walk you through it. Her number will be put in all of your phones."

He nodded. His sisters nodded. It was all they could do.

"Other than that what we need to do is treat her as normal as possible. There's no need to be afraid of her. She's still mom and she still loves us. We need to get her accustomed to her normal routine again. Yes, she might yell at you occasionally for no reason right now. But just try your best to go along with it. She doesn't mean it."

Again he and his sisters nodded. They'd all been on the receiving end of some of her anger the last few days. Especially him. He would instinctively argue back with his mother, which only made her more upset. Stevie and Allison had recognized it, and just said they were sorry for whatever she was upset about and left the room. He needed to learn to bite his tongue more.

"One more thing. Face the Nation is on tonight. She wants you all to watch it with her. It's going to be rough, for all of us. But it will help you understand what happened to her. Okay?"

They all nodded and his father motioned them up into a group hug. "You guys have been troopers. I love you guys."

"Love you too, dad." Ally said.

***Hyper Aware****

It had been a long time since Henry had been to a therapist. He had gone to a few sessions when he returned home from the war. It had helped then, and he prayed it helped now.

"Dr. McCord." Dr. Sherman began, shaking his hand. "It's very nice to meet you. Please sit."

He sat on the couch in her very modern and cozy office. He could immediately tell how kind she was; like Elizabeth had told him. He could picture his wife warming up to her, feeling comfortable enough to share her ordeal.

He wasn't sure what the sessions would look like for him. He wasn't the one with PTSD and he knew Dr. Sherman couldn't share much of what was said between her and his wife, due to confidentiality. He just knew he wanted to help his wife get better as quick as possible, and he didn't want to hurt her recovery by unintentionally pushing her too far.

"So where do we start?" Henry asked her, resting his elbows on his knees.

"You can start by telling me why you are here." She said softly.

Henry raised his eyebrows. Seriously, wasn't it obvious? "I need to know what I should be doing to help Elizabeth recover."

Dr. Sherman nodded. "I understand. Do you also realize that PTSD affects the family as well? It must be difficult for you to see your wife in such pain."

Henry sighed. "It's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I hate seeing her suffering. I hate that I haven't been able to help her. It's the first time she's ever kept something from me." He finished. He blinked back a few tears. He was not a crier by any means. But since Elizabeth came home he found himself crying much more frequently.

Dr. Sherman reached over and handed him a tissue. "Sounds like you two have an open communication system."

"We tell each other everything. Unless of course it's work related, you know classified. But in those cases we talk around it. She's….my whole world. Has been since the moment I laid eyes on her. I can always tell when she's upset and vice versa. We know how to comfort each other...but those things they aren't working on this."

"What things?"

"I hold her, but she doesn't feel better. I try and get her to open up and she won't. I tried taking her on a walk, but she didn't say a single word…I just. And at night, we do the pillow talk thing. Sometimes after….you know…sometimes just because. It's always quiet, the kids are asleep and we can discuss things. But at night, she just lays and stares at the ceiling."

"How do you know she doesn't feel better when you hold her? Has she said so?"

"No…but afterwards she's still so sad. Sometimes she pulls away. Normally I'd have to fight her off with a stick."

"So you're physical relationship is…"

"It's incredible. Well it was. Our kids you know, they roll their eyes at us constantly. But since she got home, the kids have mentioned and noticed that we aren't affectionate anymore. She lets me hold her. But she doesn't seek it out, I have to encourage her. She's stiff in my arms, she doesn't relax into them. We haven't kissed, you know on the lips. She won't even kiss me goodbye. And flirting….totally gone."

"This bothers you." Dr. Sherman observed quietly.

"Yes! The part that bothers me the most…is that…it's that I can't spoon her from behind like I used to while she falls asleep. I can't come up behind her and kiss her neck while she fills her coffee cup. I can't because all of it terrifies her. And I know it's one of her triggers…." He choked out, the tears spilling out again.

"That's right. She said her security agent died on top of her. On her back." Dr. Sherman reminded.

"So how do I make it not become a trigger?"

"You just have to be patient with her." Dr. Sherman explained gently. "She's been bottling up her emotions. Now that she's starting to let them out, she'll be able to feel worthy of your attention again. Just keep trying to get back into your normal. If that involves kissing her from behind, do it. But with caution. Ease her into it slowly. Maybe start from the front, or announce yourself. Remind her it's you that's there, someone she's always safe with. Start touching her back gently everyday. Eventually she'll be less frightened."

Henry nodded, a solution. He could do this. He would remind her how much he loved her. "I can do that."

"We can even have some sessions where you come together and I can work with you on that trigger if needed." Dr. Sherman offered

"Good. Because that's the one we have to fix. I can handle breaking glass or loud noises. I'll replace every glass and plate we have with plastic ones if i Have to. But I have to be able to...she has to come back to me."

***Hyper Aware***

Dressed in her favorite gray robe, his mother descended the stairs in time for Face the Nation. He offered her a small smile. She tried her best to smile back as she took a seat next to his father on the couch.

She held tightly to his father's hand as the broadcast began, and he turned his attention to the television.

For someone who just got out of the hospital the two days prior she looked good on TV. She emulated the strong but soft personality the nation had come to adore. She was so calm as she described the situation and answered Bob's questions. He didn't understand how it was the same person who'd been in the hospital just the days ago. Only she, his father and Bob knew how many takes they had to do to tie that interview together.

"I would have done anything to protect that boy." It was with that sentence that he realized why she had insisted he have security. And he argued with her about it. He felt terrible for it now. He wondered if when she looked at Abdul that night she saw him instead. He wondered now if she saw him or Abdul when she looked his way. Maybe both?

It was a difficult hour. His father held onto her hand tightly when she began to breathe heavy. But she got through it. When the show was over his sisters told her what a great job she did. They timidly approached to hug her goodnight.

She smiled softly as she hugged them back and told them how much she loved them. "Ally, I'm sorry about the other day." She said honestly, apologizing for screaming at her daughter for not hanging up her coat when she got home, as she smoothed his sister's long hair.

"It's okay, Mom. I know better than to leave it out. Love you." His father smiled at Ally's kindness. She was doing a he'd asked her to. Letting it go.

"Love you Noodle."

When only he and his father were left in the room he approached his mother to say goodnight. He wasn't trying to be scared. But he was.

She held her arms out, giving him a strange look, wondering why he wouldn't approach her. He slowly entered them. It felt so good to hug his mother again. He wanted to stay there forever. "You okay?" she asked him. "I know that wasn't easy to watch."

He nodded yes, but he wasn't. "You did a good job, Mom." He told her. "I love you." He desperately wanted her to know that.

"I love you too." She said, and kissed his head. "Good night."

***Hyper Aware***

Elizabeth laid on her back, on her side of the bed in silence. It's what she had been doing since the first night where she let him hold her all night.

He decided to try out some of Dr. Sherman's advice. He slid closer to her and gently slid his fingers down her cheek as he snuggled as close as he could. "Hey." He said quietly. He planted a kiss to her cheek.

She'd managed a small smile and turned to him slightly, still silent.

"Something on your mind?" he asked

"Jason seems upset." She said. "Have you talked to him at all?"

"Yea. The other day. He was asking about what happened. He's worried about you babe. We all are."

"He shouldn't have….he's only 13…. It's…" she whispered, tears filling her eyes.

"But he does."

"Maybe I should…." She tried to get out of bed.

"Let him sleep. It's been a long night."

"You're right." She agreed.

They stared at each other for a few moments, wondering what to do next. Her eyes were shining. He wanted to kiss her goodnight. He ran his hand gently up her arm. "Sweetheart…I'm going to kiss you goodnight….is that okay?" he asked gently.

She took a moment and then nodded. His eyes watched hers intently as he slowly moved his lips toward hers, looking for any hesitation. He could tell she was nervous, but wanted the kiss.

His lips finally met hers ever so softly. He felt her tense at first, as she became accustomed to his lips on hers for the first time in nearly 10 days. After a few seconds she relaxed and gently kissed him back.

He kept this kiss somewhat short, not wanting to overwhelm her. He caught her small smile when it was done. It felt like college all over again. She'd been shy at first. Hell she still blushed when he complimented her. But after those first few kisses they discovered they couldn't keep their hands off one another. Honestly he couldn't remember a time since they'd met that he'd gone so long without their lips touching.

"I love you, Elizabeth." He said, planting a kiss to her cheek as she nestled into her pillow. He had hoped she would have come to snuggle a bit. But he took the kiss as a positive.

"I love you too." She whispered back, hoping it was enough to convey her gratitude for his patience with her over the past 10 days.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Ok, remember how I said only 1 more chapter? Well I kind of lied. This is not the last chapter, 1 more after this (Maybe 2), depends on the length of the scenes. This chapter ended up being WAY longer than I thought (but I'm sure you're all ok with that right?).**

Part 4:

It was no rules Saturday.

Elizabeth wasn't expected back at work until Tuesday, following her doctor's orders to take a few personal days.

Henry had made pancakes and Jason was glad to see his mother willingly eat a meal for the first time in what seemed like weeks.

"What's everyone doing today?" Henry asked the table.

"I have to work at 11." Stevie mentioned

Henry had been hoping for a family day, but maybe that would be tomorrow when Stevie was off.

"Aiden invited me to play basketball." Henry said, unsure if he would go or not. "But I'm not sure I want to go."

"Jase, what about you?" his mother asked him.

He looked down at his plate. "I have some homework." He wasn't really in the mood. Face The Nation had really thrown him for a loop.

He noticed his parents share a glace. It was unlike him to willingly be doing homework on a Saturday.

"What about you Noodle?"

"I don't know. Whatever mom wants to do." She said sweetly.

Elizabeth smiled at her. "Well, if Jason and Stevie are busy. Why don't we let Dad go play basketball and you and I can go get our nails done or something."

"Really?" Ally beamed.

Henry was pleased by this, Elizabeth wanting to go out and do something fun. He could tell she was trying hard to have a good day.

"Sure, why not. What could scare me at the nail place?" she tried to joke, although no one laughed.

"Okay then."

Later that afternoon everyone scattered. Stevie left for work. Henry left for the gym, and Elizabeth and Ally went to get their nails done.

He felt bad for lying. He really didn't have any homework to do. He just felt so weird being around his mother these days. He wanted to be around her. He wanted to tell her how scared he was when no one would tell him what happened to her. He wanted to tell her how glad he was that she was okay. He wanted to hug her and tell her how much he loved her. But he couldn't. He knew telling her these things would only make her feel worse. And he didn't want to cause her any more pain or struggles. So he kept his feeling to himself and sat alone in his room all day on his computer.

He heard his mother and sister come back home around 4pm, laughing. He loved hearing the sound of his mother's laugh. It was like things were normal again, if only for that moment.

He descended the stairs and asked how their day was. They both showed off their freshly painted fingers and toes. He also noticed they had shopping bags and Starbucks in hand. Typical girls crap.

"Thanks for taking me out mom, it was really fun." Ally said, hugging her mother before took her shopping bags up to their rooms.

"You're welcome sweetie. I'm really glad we got to do this." Elizabeth said.

Elizabeth hung up her coat and noticed Jason still standing there. "Hey you. Did you get all that homework done?"

"Yep." He lied.

"Good. You wanna watch a movie or play a game with me until dinner?" she tried. She knew something was bothering her youngest, but he didn't seem to want to talk about it.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I think I'm just going to play my game."

"I can play with you." Elizabeth offered.

He laughed. "Mom, no offense, but you suck at my game."

"Well then why don't you teach me." She tried again.

"You should just stick to playing Dad. He sucks at it too. You're equally matched."

Elizabeth wasn't stupid. She'd been shot down 3 times. She let it go. "Okay then, I'm just going to go in the living room and catch up on some reading, if you need me."

He felt awful, being so mean to his mother. She was just trying to hang out with him. But it was better this way. He went off into family room and turned on the TV and started playing his game.

***Hyper Aware***

"I'll be home in an hour or so." Henry texted Allison.

"Okay."

"How's mom?" he asked.

"She's fine. We had a really good time."

"Good. Glad you both had fun noodle. Should I pick up dinner?"

"I can make something. I've got a new recipes to try."

"Okay, text me if you need any groceries. Xoxox."

"Xoxox."

After Allison put her new outfits away, she headed downstairs to find her mother reading a stack of fashion magazine she'd been meaning to catch up on. "Mom, dad will be home in an hour. I'm going to start dinner. What do you feel like, beef stew or chicken chili?"

"Whatever you feel like Noodle, you're the chef." Elizabeth smiled at her.

"Let's have the beef stew, since Stevie isn't here tonight!" Alison decided.

"Okay. Need any help?" she offered.

Ally laughed and shook her head. She noticed Jason playing his video game.

"Hey turn it down." She demanded.

He looked at her. "Why?"

"Mom's in the next room. A little sensitivity." She scolded.

"Mom's fine. She's been in there for an hour and hasn't said anything about it."

"Fine. Whatever." Ally said and left for the kitchen to start on dinner.

She happily hummed as she chopped up all the vegetables and started working on the sauce.

As the sauce started to simmer, she turned her attention to the vegetables in the fry pan, forgetting about the sauce. It started to boil over. When when she heard the sizzle she left the vegetables unattended to turn down the burner.

But it was too late. The veggies started to burn, and the smoke detector went off. "Oh no!" Ally cried.

Meanwhile in the living room, Elizabeth had been happily enjoying the quiet, flipping through the magazines and she was started by the sudden loud beeping of the smoke detector. Her mind immediately panicked.

Ally rushed to quickly turn off all the stove burners and ran to the hallway to silence the smoke detector, accidently knocking a glass off the counter on her way. It shattered instantly. "Oh no, oh no" she cried.

When Elizabeth heard the glass shatter it added insult to injury and she tossed her magazine away as she tried to shield her ears from the sound. The magazine toppled her water glass and Jason, standing frozen after he got up to see what the commotion was about, watched it roll off the coffee table and shatter when it hit the floor.

As Ally made it to shut off the smoke detector, she heard the second glass break and saw her mother huddled in the corner of the couch, struggling to breath.

As soon as it was shut off and silent she rushed to her mother. She looked up at Jason, who stood frozen. He was terrified, seeing his mother panic all of a sudden. He was so glad Ally was there. It took her a second to remember what to do, but she reached for the drawer and pulled the paper bag out.

"Mom! Mom!" she tried to get her attention. "I'm sorry Mom. It was just the smoke detector. The sauce was boiling over. Mom, please….breathe." she said handing her the bag.

As she watched over her mother and kept apologizing she looked to Jason, fear in her eyes. "Jason call dad." She said as calmly as possible to not scare her mother.

"Jason do it!" she begged again, but he still stood frozen, struggling to breathe himself as tears streamed down his face.

When Ally realized he wasn't budging, she pulled her phone out of her pocket with shaking hands and started to text her father when he came through the door. "Hello!" he called in a happy voice.

Ally wanted to scream for him, but she kept thinking about her father's instructions not to panic yourself or scream. So she didn't. She just whispered to her mother. "Dad's home. It's okay."

When Henry didn't hear a reply he wandered through the house. Then he noticed Jason standing frozen and saw Ally on the couch struggling to keep calm and help her mother.

He sprang into action. He took Ally's place beside Elizabeth and rubbed her knee. "I'm here sweetheart, it's okay. Just take deep breaths." He continued to soothe her and turned to Ally. "How long?" he whispered.

"Just a few minutes. 10 maybe…" she replied, watching her father on the verge of tears. "It's all my fault. I burned dinner and the smoke alarm…..and I broke a glass when I was running to shut it off!"

"It's alright Ally. You didn't mean it." Henry whispered to her and turned his attention back to his wife. "Deep breaths baby, you're doing great." He rubbed her shoulder.

When Ally saw her father in control of the situation she backed away and went to clean up the broken glass in the kitchen and in the living room. She tried to get Jason to help, but he still stood frozen, watching.

Ally switched off the TV, preventing that game from making more loud noises and returned with a glass of water for her mother.

When the panic attack was over, he watched his mother gulp down the water and look over at Allison. She pulled her to her chest in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry baby girl."

"No mom! I'm sorry. I ruined today. It was a good day."

"No sweetheart. We still had a blast today. Nothing changes that." She assured her.

As Alison pulled away, Henry suggested. "Maybe we should just get carry out tonight."

The girls smiled, and as Elizabeth kissed Allison as she left the room they turned their attention to him. His mother held her arms out with a sad expression. "Jason…come here."

When he didn't move her expression grew more concerned and she walked toward him, actually trying to pull him into her arms. "Jase…it's okay. It's over now."

He pushed her away and yelled. "No it's not!" He disappeared up the stairs leaving his parent's dumbfounded.

Henry pulled his wife into his arms, watching his son disappear. "It's okay. He'll come around."

"No, I scared him." She nestled into her husband's embrace. This is exactly what she didn't want. She didn't want her kids to see her like this. This was the absolute worst part.

In his room, he cried into his pillow. How was it ever going to be okay? His mother had a great time with his sister and it got flipped around just like that. To make matters worse, he didn't follow his father's orders. He didn't get the paper bag, he didn't call his dad, he didn't do anything. He couldn't help his mother. He just froze. If Ally hadn't been there he didn't know what he would have done. He decided then and there he couldn't ever be alone with his mother, because if something happened again he wasn't capable of helping her.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Again, thank you all SO much for your reviews. They seriously make my day when I read them! I hope you like this chapter! I'm trying to wrap this up, I swear, but it keeps getting longer and longer! We're now less that 30 days from the S2! Yay!**

Part 5:

"Henry? Has Jason talked to you at all?"

"About what?" he said as he joined her in the bathroom as they got ready for bed.

Elizabeth eyed him.

"He did ask me what happened before you had the panic attack. He said he saw the bandages on your arms."

Elizabeth nodded and looked down. Their son wasn't as oblivious as they thought when she first arrived home.

"Anything since then?" she asked quietly, wishfully thinking maybe something at school was bothering him.

"No."

"Hmm. Well something is bothering him."

Henry sensed it as much as Elizabeth did. But he knew they had to give their son space. Similar to how they had been with Elizabeth, taking it a day at the time, being mindful of her moods and trying their best to not overwhelm her. They needed to do the same for Jason as he processed the situation.

****Hyper Aware****

Elizabeth awoke to a surprise.

Henry had decided to turn Sunday Funday into a re-creation of Allison's birthday. He had hoped it wouldn't cause her to feel anxious; since she'd felt so bad about missing it and it was the day she was nearly blown to pieces. He hoped she didn't wonder what they did on Ally's real birthday. It wasn't a celebration by any means; they'd all been worried sick about her. Besides, Ally deserved a real celebration.

"What's all this?" she asked as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes; smiling softly at Henry who proudly wore the Chef Dad apron as he flipped a batch of pancakes. But then her eyes went dark for a moment. She briefly flashed back to their phone call. How on Ally's real birthday she'd wished her a happy sweet sixteen, then asked Henry to model the Chef Dad apron for her when she got home. It was only hours later that the blast occurred.

"It's Ally's Sweet Sixteen." He said and pulled her into a quick hug; sensing her slight anxiety. He bent to whisper in her ear as he held her. "If this is too much….we can…"

"No." she whispered. "Ally deserves…"

Henry nodded and kissed her forehead as she went to greet her children.

"Morning Mom!" Allison beamed. She was always so cheerful and positive.

"Good morning Noodle. Happy sweet sixteen." She said as she tugged on the ends of her daughter's long hair. "I'm so sorry we had to delay…" She felt a sudden wave of guilt.

"It's okay. I didn't want to celebrate without you!" Ally said, trying to make her mom feel better.

Next she went to Stevie. Finally to Jason. Jason had not wanted celebrate Allison's birthday. He of course agreed to it when his father asked him the previous day. But he was terrified it would send his mother reeling back, and he already noticed her get somewhat upset twice in the last 10 minutes. He was afraid his sister could never have another normal birthday again. Iran had forever marred it in his opinion. He'd never be able to tell his sister happy birthday without thinking about the day he nearly lost his mother.

He put on a fake smile and hugged his mother. But he quickly pulled away and sat quietly eating his food.

"Mom we saved the laughy string you bought." Ally lied. She didn't want to tell her mother they had the fight without her and bought a whole new case of laughy string for today.

Elizabeth smiled. "Oh good! We can't have a birthday celebration without that."

"I picked up a cake from that really good bakery downtown on my way home from work yesterday." Stevie chimed in. "And course there is plenty of ice cream."

"Of course." Elizabeth agreed.

Henry set a plate of pancakes in front of Elizabeth from behind; causing her to jump slightly when he stood behind her. Henry knew she'd jump, but he had to keep doing it, he had to get her used to it again like Dr. Sherman recommended. She tried to brush it off, but she noticed her son Jason's eyes go wide for a moment. She tried to offer him a reassuring smile.

He smiled back, but looked right back down at his food.

Elizabeth wanted to focus on making Ally's delayed birthday celebration a happy one, but she couldn't help but notice how distant Jason was during breakfast. Jason loved birthday celebrations more than anyone. But he'd picked at his pancakes. He barley laughed at any of the jokes, and he didn't even tease his sisters. She wished he'd open up to her like he used to. She knew she had a long way to go to overcome her PTSD, but what made it worse for her was the way it affected her family, especially her youngest. The girls and Henry had been very supportive and accepting of her changing moods, but Jason wasn't adapting well to them. It made her feel worse.

When it was time to go outside for the laughy string fight he was scared. He was scared it's send his mother into a panic. The squealing, screaming and potential to be pushed to the ground.

They bundled up in their coats and boots and headed out to the backyard. Henry set the box of laughy string in the center of the barley snow covered lawn and they each took a can.

They took a moment or so to shake the cans as they formed a circle around the box. On Henry's 'ready set go' they started spraying each other with the colored foam and laughter immediately erupted.

They ran about the yard, chasing each other and laughing. They were all cautious around their mother, making sure they weren't in any way resembling an ambush or spraying her from behind, taking great joy in hearing her laughter. As much fun as Elizabeth was having; she noticed Jason not participating as much as he normally would.

Grabbing another can from the box Elizabeth shook it as she jogged closer to Jason while Henry assaulted the girls with two cans of laughy string, one in each hand.

"Jase, come on." His mother encouraged as she pointed the can at him. He laughed a little and sprayed her back but his can was almost empty and she won the battle.

He suddenly lost his happy grin and backtracked away from his mother; noting the heartbreak on her face as he went to get another can and instead sprayed all of it toward his sisters.

Henry observed what happened and immediately ran over to get his wife, wanting to make sure she went back to having fun. She squealed as he playfully pulled her closer and sprayed the red foam into her hair. When the can was empty he stopped and pulled a few clumps out of her hair for her as he kissed her forehead. "Having fun?"

She smiled, genuinely. "Yea. Let's go get Ally."

Grabbing a few of the remaining fresh cans of laughy string; they both ran over to Ally, and attacked her with a "Happy Birthday, Noodle."

She laughed and accepted the attack from her parents. Stevie joined in with her remaining laughy string. It was a perfect Team McCord birthday moment.

Feeling left out Jason joined in too. In the moment he forgot about approaching from behind and he reached around his mother to spray Allison, causing his mother to quickly spin around in fright, accidentally knocking him over, abruptly ending the laughy string fight.

"I'm sorry Jason." She said immediately, with labored breath, as Henry offered his hand to help him up. "I didn't know you were there."

Jason said nothing for a moment.

"You okay?" his father asked

"Fine." He said, getting up, throwing his can of laughy string on the ground and stomping into the house.

Henry stopped Elizabeth from going after him. "Let him go."

It was hard to let him go, but she did. She turned her attention back to her laughy string covered girls, they cheeks rosy from the cold air, as they waited for a cue from her on what to do next.

She picked up a can from the box and tossed each of them an additional can. "Come on, last few cans!" She was determined to finish this tradition strong.

Henry and the girls' smiled returned instantly as they all continued to chase each other around the yard until the laughy string was gone.

Jason watched his family from the front window. He was genuinely happy to see his mother so happy, but he almost ruined it. He almost turned a perfectly happy day into a bad one. He did something totally dumb, reaching around her, nearly causing her to have another panic attack. Now he could not only be out with his mother alone, he was afraid to be near her at all.

Jason stayed in his room all day, afraid to negatively affect the birthday celebration again. He knew he was doing the right thing when he didn't hear any panic all day. All he heard was laughing as the rest of his family played board games downstairs.

Later that evening he heard a knock on the door. "Hey loser, we're going to have cake now. You should come down and sing." Stevie teased.

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"Because…"

"I know you're upset about Mom. But she's just fine and you're hurting her by ignoring her. Come on down and have cake." She tried again.

"She's not fine."

"Jase….she's doing fine now. We all have to take it one day at a time, like dad said, okay?"

Jason shook his head. "Bring me a piece up later?"

Stevie frowned and nodded. Her father thought maybe she could convince him to come down, since he wasn't being responsive to Elizabeth or him. But no such luck.

***Hyper Aware****

Later that evening Elizabeth was alone in the kitchen washing dishes. She did that occasionally, something about the hot sudsy water was soothing to her.

Jason creeped down the stairs, in search of a piece of birthday cake. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs, unsure about how to enter the kitchen, since his mother's back was to him.

He watched as she dried off a few dishes and put them away. Then she noticed him. "Hey there. What are you doing up?"

"Just in search of a piece of cake." He said and went to the fridge to pull out the cardboard box.

"You want some ice cream too?" she asked him.

"Sure."

Elizabeth scooped some ice cream onto his plate and sat beside him at the table; taking the opportunity alone to try again to get him to open up.

"Jase what's been going on the last few days?" she asked, taking a spoonful of ice cream for herself.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing."

"Jason."

"What!"

"Come on. Why don't you want to tell me?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

She paused, looking into her son's defeated eyes. "Yea, it's kind of late. How about I take you out tomorrow, just me and you?" she tried a different tactic, maybe if she spent some one on one time with him like she did with Ally he would open up.

"I have school tomorrow." He said.

"After school. We can go to the arcade or out for a burger…maybe to that new indoor driving range. Your pick."

"That's okay, Mom."

She could tell he really wanted to say yes. But something was preventing him.

"Just think about it." She said, getting up. "Come give me a kiss goodnight."

He smiled at this and went to hug her tight. He had to fight back the tears he felt coming on for saying no. If she'd asked him two weeks ago, before Iran, to do something one on one after school he would have jumped at the chance. But he couldn't. He couldn't be out alone with her in case she had a panic attack. He'd just have to settle for these quiet moments before bed when she hugged him tight; when her embrace felt like normal, and hope for a time he'd be able to go to the arcade with her after school in the future, without fear.

They pulled apart and she kissed his head, trying to let him know it was okay for him to open up. "I love you. You know that right?"

He smiled tiredly. "Yea. Love you too, Mom."


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Hi guys! Again, thank you all sooooo much for your reviews, they mean the world to me so please keep sending them :) I added in a Elizabeth/Henry scene in this chapter for you based on your feedback. I'm almost done with this one; trying to wrap it up before S2!

Part 6

That evening when Jason returned to his room for bed he was surprised to find his father sitting in his desk chair.

"Dad. What are you doing in here?"

"I think we need to have a talk."

Jason sighed. After his behavior all day; he knew this talk was coming. It wasn't a conversation he wanted to have with his father. Only his mother could make this better.

"What's going on?" His father asked gently.

He sighed again, shrugging his shoulders as he flopped on the bed. He didn't quite know how to answer.

"You're having a hard time dealing with Mom's PTSD?" his father offered.

"I guess so, yea."

"It's hard. I know." His father said, moving to sit by him on the bed. "You know, your mom is trying really hard. And she's getting better. But she's not oblivious. She sees it's hurting you too. She wants you to come to her. She needs you to treat her like normal for her to keep getting better."

"I can't. I want to. But I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because….she's…she's not normal anymore."

"Sure she is. She still loves you, she's still Mom. It's not her fault you know. Has she ever treated you differently when you were sick?"

"I guess not."

"Then how is it fair for you to treat her that way?"

"It's not. But you saw how I froze when she panicked. If I go out with her alone, and she has an attack, I can't help her."

Henry now understood where some of this was coming from.

"Jase, you'd be surprised what you can do if you have to. Besides, mom is never really alone. Her security guys would jump in." he tried to re-assure him. "Why don't you go out with Mom after school tomorrow? I bet you'll feel better after you do."

"I'd like to Dad, but I don't think I can."

"Okay." Henry agreed. "Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe….would you like to see Dr. Sherman?"

He stared at his father. One part of him wanted to see Dr. Sherman, if it could help. Another part of him was terribly embarrassed and scared about a therapist. "Let's say I were to go….I wouldn't have to go back if I didn't like it?"

"Of course not."

"And no one would have to know?"

"Well, Mom & I would know. But that's it. It's completely okay to go. I went. Mom's going. It's helped us. Dr. Sherman is incredibly kind."

He let it hang in the air another moment. "Okay. I'll give it a try."

"Alright. I'll give her a call in the morning and make an appointment for you. Night, son."

"Night Dad."

***Hyper Aware***

Henry returned to the bedroom and joined his wife in bed. "Well?" she asked as he laid down beside her.

"He's just having hard time with the PTSD, that's all."

"I know that!"

"He's agreed to see Dr. Sherman." Henry said softly.

Tears welled in Elizabeth's eyes.

"Sweetheart?"

"I feel so bad. He's….he shouldn't have to deal with this. It's not his fault."

"It's not your fault either." He assured her as he wiped at her tears.

She nodded. "I know. But he's my baby. And I know he's not a baby, baby. But being 13 is hard enough. Let alone when your Mother is the Secretary of State, and now she has PTSD."

"Babe."

He let her vent for a few seconds longer before she thanked him for letting her ramble on, and for getting through to Jason. He seemed to have a way with all the kids when they wouldn't come to her. He would go to them directly and get through to them.

After she rolled to her side of the bed, she stayed there a moment before moving back closer to him. "Can we maybe snuggle a little tonight?" she asked sheepishly. She felt strange asking permission to snuggle. Any other time she would have just done it, physical affection was natural and almost constant between them. But she knew Henry knew she was slightly afraid of his touch right now, and he had been gently trying to re-introduce it to her without overwhelming her. She wanted him to know she wanted it back. She desperately missed his touch, and she hated that it scared her right now.

"Get on in here." She giggled at his comment as he lifted the blanket so she could easily move over and settle into his arms.

Once she was there she looked up at him, her eyes fluttering. "And maybe a goodnight kiss?"

He looked into her eyes, seeing she really meant it, but was a little afraid still. He kept his eyes focused on hers and dipped his head just slightly to brush her lips gently.

Her eyes fluttered closed as she leaned in, trying to take the kiss a little deeper. He was pleased by this, glad she was slowly becoming more affectionate again.

Their tongues danced gently together. He resisted the urge to take it deeper, letting her be in control. Soon he felt her breathing increase, in a good way. He took it as a signal to take it further. Wrapping his arms tightly around her waist, he slowly rolled her so he was slightly on top of her.

All was going well for a second, then he felt her tense and her lips start to pull away. He choose to keep her in that position and whispered as he softly kissed her. "It's okay sweetheart, it's just me."

"I know" she whispered and tried focus on his kiss, but she couldn't and had to squirm away. "I'm sorry."  
she said sadly when they lay face to face.

"It's okay. I shouldn't have pushed you." Henry said, leaning in to softly kiss her cheek. "Love you."

"Love you too." She said, scooting to snuggle back with him.

He rolled to his back and accepted her into his arms, gently tracing circles on her back. "Sleep well." He whispered, content to hold her all night if needed to keep her demons away.

****Hyper Aware****

Jason shifted as he waited in the lobby before his appointment with Dr. Sherman. His father was in there now. Soon enough he came out and Dr. Sherman called him into the room.

He nervously sat on the couch Dr. Sherman motioned to as she sat in the chair across from him. "Hi Jason." She smiled.

"Hello."

"Jason, I want you to know this is a safe place. I won't share details about anything you say with your parents or anyone else."

"Okay."

"I understand you're having a hard time adjusting to your Mom's PTSD." Dr. Sherman prompted.

He nodded.

"What's been the hardest part?" She would have to ask detailed questions, in her experience children didn't elaborate well without help, at least at first.

Jason thought for a moment. He wanted to say the whole thing. "Um. Probably the panic attacks."

"Why those?"

"I don't know. It's just. My mom, you know, she never gets sick. I've rarely even seen her get a cold. And to see her completely freak out because the smoke detector went out…."

"It's hard. I know."

"Normally my mom is the one setting off the smoke detector, she's a terrible cook."

Dr. Sherman laughed.

"But my dad and my sister, they helped her. I just froze. My sister was telling me what to do. And my dad sat us all down and told us what to do a few days before if she had a panic attack and he wasn't there. But I couldn't move. That was scary too."

Dr. Sherman nodded. "Do you think you froze because it was the first time you witnessed it? If it happened again, do you think you could do what your dad told you to?"

"I don't know."

"Has she had any other panic attacks since then?"

"Not like that, at least that I saw. But I see her tense up a lot. Like when my dad hugs her from behind. But when she realizes it's him she calms down. A few days ago we had a laughy string fight on the lawn for my sister's birthday. It was going perfectly well, then I came behind her and she didn't know I was there. She spun around and I fell. She apologized. But I scared her. I'm afraid I'll keep scaring her."

Dr. Sherman nodded. "Tell me about you and you mom's relationship before the Iran trip."

"It was good. She's a super cool mom. I could tell her anything. We joked a lot."

"And you miss that?"

"Yea. Everyone tried to keep Iran a secret, to protect me. I want to ask my mom about it. I want to hear it from her. And I want to tell her that she was crazy for doing what she did. But it was also amazing, and I'm proud of her. I want her to know how happy I am that she made it back. But I don't want to give her a panic attack."

"Why do you think it will give her a panic attack?"

"She doesn't like to talk about it. She says she's not a hero. It will just upset her if I tell her that."

"I don't think so. I think she values your opinion. I think she wants you to start hanging out with her and telling her things, like you used to. I think she misses it too. And she wants to get back to her old self. That's why she's coming to see me."

"Can't I just wait until she's better?"

Dr. Sherman sighed. "Jason. PTSD never really goes away completely."

"So she's going to be messed up forever?"

"No, not like that. Have you ever had someone in your family pass away?" Dr. Sherman asked, she had a idea of how to make him understand.

"My grandma McCord."

"Do you remember what it was like after she died? Did everyone take a while to settle back in?"

"Yea."

"But you all still miss her right?"

"Yea."

"It's kind of like that. Certain things might always remind your mom of Iran. But these reminders will decrease over time. Like when you remember your grandma around the holidays and get a little sad for a few minutes. But then you remember happier things. What happened in Iran is now a part of your lives. But eventually she'll settle back in and it will be in the back of her mind, rather than the front. But she needs all of your help to get there. You mustn't treat her any differently. Does that make sense?"

Jason nodded.

"Okay. So then before your next session, I want you to talk to you mom. It doesn't have to be about Iran. It can be about whatever. I want you to start to be able to talk to her again. When you're done make sure you give her a big hug and tell her that you love her. Can you do that?"

"Yea." Jason said.

"Okay, good. I think you did really well today Jason." Dr. Sherman said as she walked him to the lobby to meet his father.

"Thank you Dr. Sherman."


	7. Chapter 7

_AN: Holy crap. Last night was so good! Im so sad there is no episode this week :(_

 _Alas, this is the last chapter of Hyper Aware. I really enjoyed this story, but I had to finish it up. Hope you like the ending. I probably could have gone on and on, but I had to end it someplace. Send me some ideas tho for new fics! Now that I'm finishing my old stories, I'll have to start on new ones._

Two weeks later the family was spending time at the horse farm. Dr. Sherman had suggested to make sure Elizabeth only worked 40 hours per week, 50 tops and spend her off time continuing to relax. She didn't want her getting too stressed.

He had been more open with his mother since his visit with Dr. Sherman. He would tell her about his days at school, but they had yet to have much one on one time together. But overall he noticed his mother smiling more. He noticed an increase in his parent's affection, although it still wasn't where it was before. He didn't witness any more panic attacks, so he thought his mother might be well enough to spend some time with her.

He found her out in the stables, mucking out the hay. She always said it relaxed her. He wasn't sure why, maybe because she loved the horses or it was a mindless task. He noticed his mother often took out her frustrations on household tasks; excessively cleaning, scrubbing pots, or other random things.

"Hi Mom." He said, leaning on the wooden pen door.

"Hi." She said looking up from her raking.

"You almost done?" he began

"Hm, yea. Why?"

"I was thinking maybe we could go for a ride?" he suggested nervously.

His mother beamed. "Really?"

"Yea."

"I'd like that a lot Jase." She smiled

Soon the pair enjoying a leisurely trot through the snow covered forest behind their home. They guided the horses slowly so they could talk, and take in the quiet, peaceful scenery.

Elizabeth stayed quiet for a while, waiting for Jason to begin the conversation. It was his idea to go riding, and while she was enjoying it immensely, she didn't want to overtake the outing and let him say what he wanted.

"So there a cute girl in my class." He began, trying to utilize Dr. Sherman's advice to just tell her about his day.

"Oh really?" his mother said

"Yeah. She's an 8, maybe a 9."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Well what else do you like about her, besides her obvious good looks?"

"She seems really friendly. She is on the track team."

"Jase, have you ever talked to her before."

Jason laughed. "No. Not exactly."

"Well you probably should talk to her before you ask her out so she doesn't think you're a creepy stalker."

"Solid advice, thanks Mom." Jason laughed. "I was thinking of asking her to help me in Geometry. She's really smart, and I'm sort of behind in class."

"Behind? Why are you…" Elizabeth asked, concerned. Jason always got good grades.

"Well it's a new school. I have to catch up you know. Since I started the year as Wessmore, the curriculum was a little different."

"Oh." She was worried it had something to do with her PTSD. She knew it was affecting the whole family, but she would feel terrible if Jason's studies suffered as a result too.

"And you know, with everything going on, I haven't been able to you know…concentrate. I failed a couple tests."

"Jason!"

"I'm sorry mom. I didn't mean to."

"I know you didn't." she backtracked. "I'm just, I'm really sorry buddy. I know it's been hard on you guys. I can talk to your teachers if you need me to…"

"No, don't worry about it. I can catch up."

"Jason, please…." Now she was pleading. She just wanted to have this conversation and listen to her son's fears and help him.

"No really. I think I can. I am feeling better now, that you know, you are doing better. I was just worried. And scared."

Elizabeth dismounted her horse and they tied them near a tree to let them graze in the snow, and she put her arm around her son as they walked. "I'm sorry I scared you."

"I know. It's not your fault. I just, when you came home and no one told me what's going on….I just wanted to help."

Elizabeth smiled softly at her. "We were just trying to protect you. I didn't want you to know what happened to me, to find out how cruel the world can be…"

"I understand now. But it did happen and I want to hear from you….like everything, what it was like."

Elizabeth looked at Jason. He knew what happened now, he'd heard from Henry and from her on Face The Nation. She'd been better about talking about it, but it still seemed overwhelming to tell Jason.

"Jase, it's not an easy story to hear."

"I know. But I'm 13. I can handle it. You always say I can tell you anything, and I want you to tell me stuff too."

"Well Jase. I was about your age when my parents died. And it was really tough. But the one thing they taught me is a duty to your country. And when I had a chance to prevent the war with Iran, I had to go. I had to try. Your dad tried to talk me out of it, tried to get me to send someone else." She began, fingering her gloves. "Sometimes I wish I listened."

"It was really brave." Jason swallowed.

She smiled softly at him. "It was stupid of me to think that I could just go there and come home unscathed. I told your dad I'd be fine, but I think he knew. I think that's what is the hardest of anything – thinking you're invincible to find out you're not."

Jason looked at his mother, tears pooling in her eyes as he waited for her to continue.

"I wasn't prepared for the attack. I had just finished giving Javani the information and he agreed to take it forward. I was going to go home that night. Then the explosion came. It was so loud. And I got thrown to the ground. Fred jumped on top of me, and then bullets were flying. It was chaos, I don't even know if I am remembering it right…." She shook her head, wiping at her tears. "I saw Abdul in the corner. I couldn't get to him because Fred was pinning me down. And I saw Javani was dead. I just cried and covered my ears. I felt so bad for Abdul, having to see his father killed like that….then I started thinking about you guys and wondering if I'd ever make it home. I kept thinking I should have listened to your father…..I thought I'd get kidnapped or who knows what. Then suddenly I was in a bunker and talking to the President….."

Jason had tears on his rosy cheeks and reached for his mother, hugging her. She hugged him back tightly.

"When I came home, I didn't know how to process it, and I was in such pain. I just slept and cried. Then I decided I should just bury it in work, and not talk about it. It worked for me when I was young, to just focus on other things…..but this time it didn't. Maybe because everyone was calling me a hero and trying to give me awards and make speeches….but I didn't ever want to talk about it or relive it and I panicked….."

"Mom, you _are_ a hero."

"Jase, please." She was still not comfortable with that part.

"But Mom, you saved so many lives. You….if you don't want to be a hero for the US, just be mine okay? I'm really proud of you. Even more proud of you for working through it and admitting you need help. Yes, your panic attacks still scare me and I'm scared I won't be able to help you. But you're doing so good now."

Elizabeth smiled at her son. He was so much more grown up than 13. Much like she was at his age. She'd definitely done something right. She hugged him tight and kissed his forehead. "Love you."

"Love you too, Mom."

After a moment she pulled back and changed the subject to something lighter. "Okay. It's freezing out, race you back to the house!"

Jason laughed and they raced on the horses back to the house, keeping pace with one another. By the time they returned their faces were red and raw from the cold air as they walked inside, being met with warmth from a fire Henry had started.

"Hey guys. You look like you need some hot chocolate." He said, leading them to the kitchen. He poured Jason one while Elizabeth worked on pulling off her layers and boots. Jason quickly took the mug and ran upstairs, eager to get back to his game.

"Hey Jase!" his mother called.

"Yea?"

"Thanks for the ride." She said genuinely, happy to have finally reconnected with him.

"Yea, it was fun!" he said and made his way upstairs as she smiled at him.

Henry came up behind her, handing her a mug. "Oh, thank you Professor." She said and took a sip.

He wrapped his arm around her and they walked to the living room, intent on settling in by the fireplace. "I trust you two had a good time?"

"Yea. I told him about what happened. He's….he's okay now I think. It was good."

"Good." Henry kissed her cheek. "Oh, you are freezing."

"You think you can warm me up?" she said arching an eyebrow

"I'm up to the challenge." He giggled, wrapping her up in a blanket nuzzling her ice cold nose with his and kissing her lips until they were warm against his.

Jason watched his parents make out by the fire from the stairwell, happy things were finally getting back to normal.

FIN


End file.
